Identifying and Removing Useless Words
With WordRake's sixth anniversary behind us now, and the school year underway, WordRake announces one of the greatest breakthroughs in the annals of formal education. As of last midnight, WordRake has helped professionals remove 1,994,958,346,719 useless words, which we have collected and saved. As we pass the two-trillion mark today, we will now reverse the WordRake engine and redistribute all of those useless words to those who need them most: The American Student.
Teachers have long required students to write papers of at least five pages—instead of requiring them to write one, tight, evocative paragraph—on the person who has most influenced their lives. Is that fair? Can we really require our students to fill five pages, if we do not supply them with the useless words to do so? WordRake is answering that challenge. Beginning today, WordRake will donate all two trillion useless words to American Education in an ambitious new program: No Word Left Behind.
Under the program, every child in America will receive a ten-year supply of “at all,” “It should be noted that,” “especially,” “bear in mind,” “in order to,” "the fact that," and thousands of other useless words and phrases. From New York to Los Angeles, Seattle to Miami, every child in the American Education System will be able to avoid writing sentences like:
It made no difference.
and be fully equipped to write:
It should be especially noted that as far as I was concerned, it really made no difference at all to me.
Can you imagine how American Student scores will soar in international education competition? No longer will they have to write:
Benjamin Franklin had a younger sister named Jane.
They now can write:
Indeed, it is common knowledge that Benjamin Franklin had a younger sister who went by the name of Jane.
Oh, the possibilities. The sentence:
Many students realized that the bloody hardships of war had not accomplished Sun Yat-sen’s Three Principles of the People.
It was during this time that many citizens, most particularly students, came to the realization that Sun Yat-sen’s Three Principles of the People had not yet been accomplished through the bloody hardships of war.
To remain himself, Joyce rebelled against his fate.
could easily swell to:
That may be all the more true if we bear in mind that Joyce was driven by his fate into many rebellions in order to succeed in being himself.
I am proud of our company, and I am proud to announce further that because of No Word Left Behind, WordRake CEO Jim, our entire engineering team headed by Chief Engineer Scott, and I have been invited by Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos to meet with her on one of her yachts—not sure which one yet—where we will hand-deliver a sample packet filled with useless words that all American students can use in their studies. We at WordRake will not rest until every child has all of the useless words needed to compete in school and later in the American business world.
From all of us at WordRake to all of you, thank you from the bottom of our hearts for providing all of those useless words. And may God never cease and desist to Bless America.