Sasquatch on Noah's Ark

You're on "Coast-to-Coast" with George Noory, and for one hour you’ve debated George’s other guest, who is an expert on where Noah’s Ark landed on Mount Ararat. He has scripture and physical proof, and never mind that the proof has long been identified as wood splinters from a railroad tie in Long Beach.

After the other guest fields a question about how many sasquatches boarded the ark, George says, "Well, gentlemen, that is a fascinating story. And…to be continued." The party's over. George adds, "Thank you for coming on our show," and you say, "Thanks for having me," which sounds like your five-year-old daughter leaving a sleepover. We all need a more gracious, eloquent, adult way of saying goodbye on the air. It’s the hardest part of our 15 fame minutes. The trick is to say something that will get us invited back, so we can extend those minutes, because, you must have heard, there will be a prize for the most minutes.

So what do you say? "It's my pleasure, George. You ask great questions." I don't think so. You say, "Great, George, great, a transcendent show, a real pleasure to be with you. Next time, I want to talk to your three million listeners about the word 'as.'" See what I mean? Now George gets excited. "Will one hour be enough, or should I tell my producer to block out two?" That's the way it works.

When George cancels his other guests, and you return the next night, tell the audience, "Treat the word 'as' like you treat the words 'in' and 'of' (Tip: "Whether Pigs Have Wings"): look around it for words you can remove with no loss of meaning."

The text of 25(b) of IT-479 is as follows:

Defendants included a Declaration and attached as an exhibit a copy of . . . .

As you know, under the Agreement . . . ,

The following are regarded as part of your normal overhead.

As such, the anti-retaliation provision protects employees from . . . .

If George doesn’t go for the “as” idea (hard to imagine, but just in case), suggest two hours on “Disruptive Innovation.” That’s my transparent segue into reminding you that Harvard Law School recently identified WordRake editing software as “Disruptive Innovation,” helping professionals (and anyone else who writes) enhance the quality of their work and the speed with which they deliver it. As one of the WordRake patent lawyers put it, "Being disruptive is a good thing?"

P.S. At the push of a button, WordRake would have made four of these five edits for you.

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About Gary Kinder

Gary Kinder
Gary Kinder has taught over 1,000 writing programs for the American Bar Association, the Social Security Administration, PG&E, Kraft, Microsoft, and law firms like Jones Day, Sidley, and WilmerHale. His critically-acclaimed Ship of Gold in the Deep Blue Sea hit #7 on the New York Times Bestsellers List.

In 2012, Gary and his team of engineers created WordRake editing software to provide writers a full-time, reliable editor; to save them time and money; and to give them the confidence their writing is as clear and concise as they can make it. The U.S. Patent & Trademark Office has awarded nine patents to WordRake's unique technology, and Harvard Law School has recognized WordRake as "Disruptive Innovation."